hand it to the Tories. They're clever buggers when it comes to
political maneuvering, and I hope the other parties keep "political
savvy" at the top of their list when picking a leader.
Case in point: The Conservatives new omnibus crime bill called The Safe Streets and Communities Act (aka the "if you love criminals so much why don't you marry them?"
bill) makes it sound like the streets are a panoply of pandemonium, and order must be restored!
The bill is being eloquently attacked by the usual knowledgeable
suspects: criminologists, police, judges, and lawyers from all sides.
And statisticians. The numbers just don't support the amount of
being thrown at criminals, but Harper has a majority now, so who gives a
shit. I mean, check out this quote from Justice Minister Rob Nicholson:
“We’re not governing on the basis of the latest statistics; we’re
governing on the basis of what’s right to better protect victims and
law-abiding Canadians.” Not governing on the basis of the latest statics
You mean the ones that show crime down everywhere, and at their lowest
since 1973? Irrelevant.
And now you know why the conservatives have such
contempt for the census. Why spend money on something that will have
no bearing whatsoever on policy when you can do the same thing with a 7
dollar Ouija board channeling the spirit of Ayn Rand? Talk about savings!
And yet, opposition MPs have to tip toe around it because everyone's
afraid of being seen as soft on crime. God forbid that someone should
point out that upping the rate of incarceration has failed miserably in
the U.S. to the point that not even the Tea Party supports it. So,
compared to the current Canadian government, the Tea Party
is a voice of reason. How does that
make you feel?
hate that the only response Harper needs is, "What do you have against
being tough on child molesters?" It's the political version of "So,
have you stopped beating your wife?" It leaves opposition MPs in knots
trying to figure out how to answer this question.
I suggest a private members
bill: the omnibus "Rehabilitate Paralyzed Kittens, and Measures to
Institute Social Programs to Address Concerns Regarding Factors of
Mental Health and Poverty in Crime" bill, heretofore known as the
Rehabilitate Paralyzed Kittens bill.
Well, Stephen Harper, what do you
have against paralyzed kittens? From the waist down. Dragging themselves
along. What kind of an ogre are you, sir?
Now, we just need an opposition leader that can sell it. (X)
Lalo Espejo is a writer, monologist and political satirist whose work
has appeared on CBC radio, campuses across Canada, and most recently as
a regular contributor to the Vancouver Review.